090130

Darling

This evening should not be happening, I am sure you realized this even before I arrived. That being said, I cannot help but be glad to be here...perhaps neither of us has changed so much after all. The design of your home is vintage, classic, as I expected it should be, there is a baby asleep in the other room and your friend has inhabited the common area...I expected more than one to join us? No matter, I came to see you, I came to speak with you about the lives we have each been living, and the reasons for which they may not be so different. After all, we still belong, do we not? We still appreciate the love we shared, just 4 years ago? Do you realize, Darling, how much life conflicts with itself? Do you know the sort of friction I bring about simply for remembering you? Now I am here, in your home, with your family, and I have never felt so uneasy about something I refuse to be without. Even this letter is conflicting, it has purpose but the logic is unreasonable.

I am writing, slowly, listening to you and your friend make small talk. The atmosphere is indeed uncomfortable, and there is at least one person here who does not belong. I keep quiet, afraid to speak for fear of ruining the moment, or reminiscing...I believe the reasons for which I am visiting are all too clear. It is a powerless struggle, Darling, with you perched upon an easy chair, glancing at me, willing me to speak, to smile, to show some sort of life. But I cannot. I do not return the favor.

If not fate, I could offer no other reason for my apprehension. I always figured you would be the one who knew me best, no matter the days gone by or adverse words spoken. All these years, I never truly believed our hearts had created such a distance, such an opposition to what we ourselves had lived within. Remember, Darling, a man's words are only true if lives on them, if he values them as he does nothing else. The material attractions I see in your life, they are troubling, you fixate on them and it reveals your character. The one you listen to is gripped with jealousy, he controls you, he has changed you. I feel this in you, I realize this is the reason I cannot speak, it is because you are no longer you.

I am gathering my things, I must leave now. I will leave you this letter but much more I cannot promise at this time. Write me, I will wait to hear from you.

-Tony